Dectogenarian Spaniel Wins Best in Show
February 11th, 2009
The Westminster Kennel Club’s best-in-show has just been won by a ten year old Spaniel - and I’m not at all jealous.
Stump, who has probably never even had his own blog, made canine history by being the oldest contestant ever to scoop the esteemed 133 year old prize - beating seven younger dogs by somewhat more than a whisker.
It is not yet known whether the arrogant flop-eared hound was asked to prove the authenticity of his own teeth, but I am told that a thorough search was conducted for face-lift scars and none were found. I would have kept looking, but what would I know - I’m only a six year old boxer with a degree in English Literature and advanced keyboard skills.
Come on people, get a grip. The Westminster Kennel Club is about who you know and how many palms you’re prepared to grease. The only other thing you need is a bottle of 8-in-1 Pro Pet Salon Coat Shine Shampoo and a tin of Yip Yap Breath Fresheners. It’s not as if there’s any skill involved. So Stump can walk ten yards without farting. Well cram me into a lightly greased cake tin and bake me for forty minutes - I can do that too.
Give it a couple of weeks and his smug chops will be plastered all over boxes of Milk Bones and he’ll be adopted by Barack freaking Obama. Unless of course the British paparazzi catch him taking a bong hit at a party à la Michael Phelps. If there’s any justice in the world.
NEXT.
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