Bush to Barney - “Simmer Down”
November 15th, 2008
Soon to be not-President Bush had a stern talk with soon to be not-First Dog Barney yesterday after reports emerged of more chomp-attacks the sour Scottie has administered on anyone within fangshot.
Further to revelations that the nefarious, wild-eyed hound is literally spitting chips at the prospect of having to surrender his White House cushion to another presidential pup, it has now been revealed that the fiery furball is livid that his own geopolitical agenda will remain unrealized.
The agenda, known to White House sources as the “Barney Dogtrine,” involved a program of ferocious barking and snarling at some of the world’s most heinous totalitarian dictators, including Kim Jong-il, Muammar Abu Minyar al-Qadhafi, Ali Khamenei, Hu Jintao and Cesar Millan.
With those plans now in ruins, Barney is on the warpath - and his owner isn’t happy.
“Just cool it, OK?” a visibly discountenanced Bush was heard to hiss into the pooch’s ear after a press conference yesterday, “I mean it Barney, simmer down. You’re embarrassing me and you’re embarrassing yourself. You’re going to stop this nonsense and you’re going to stop it now. I’m losing my executive privileges and you don’t see me biting anyone, do you?”
But Barney wasn’t listening.
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