Woofstock Festival Raises Fears
September 12th, 2008
The two day festival of dog-debauchery at Kenosha, WI, is over…leaving local residents reeling as fears of another era of moral decay among dogs are expressed nationwide.
By all accounts, the event was scheduled to be a civil affair, with owners being advised to keep their dogs leashed at all times. However, like the famed Woodstock festival of 1969, the shindig quickly became a free-for-all melee of degenerates without leashes, rampant drug taking and unscooped poop.
Dognip was freely available and openly smoked by nefarious hounds throughout the site, leading one observer (me) to wonder if in fact Lassie might well be literally spinning in her grave. There were reports of uninhibited humping leading one commentator (me) to wonder how many of these heedless mutts were neutered - and to what extent we will witness an outbreak of “Woofstock puppies” in approximately nine weeks time.
The whole fiasco was set against a background of some of the most cacophonic dog-rock I have ever had the misfortune of hearing - a mindless din of atonal freeform barking performed by “artists” who should never have been let out of their crates. The unconscionable lineup included:
- Canned Food
- Sly and the Family Bone
- Joe Cocker Spaniel
- Ten (Dog) Years After
- Jimi Dogtrix - there to promote his latest single, “Undomesticated Thing”
The ears of yours truly were ringing throughout - which is probably a good thing since I never got to hear the cultist Yappie leader Labbie Hoffman onstage urging everyone to swap collars.
The only positive thing throughout the entire event was arrival of veterinarian volunteers who set up a tent at the south end of the field on the second day - and I am happy to report that I was able, free of charge, to have my glands drained without the embarrassment of having to ask my regular veterinarian.
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