The Last Thing We Need Is More Soap
September 16th, 2008
Dogs the world over received a mortal blow today with the announcement of a new line of - I can hardly bring myself to say it - dog soap.
As if it’s not enough that all of our tireless bestinkification efforts are scuppered once a month when humans bring it upon their sadistic selves to coerce us into macabre glass chambers within which torturous sheets of mock rain conspire with oozing suds of doom to strip the helpless hound of every last molecule of the florid dog fragrances which make our lives worth living….they had to tighten the screws further still by coming up with a soap which, apparently, allows the heartless, malicious torturer to administer more frequent washings.
I wish that were all. From the press release:
Each bar also has molded massage nodes to simulate the action of dozens of gentle washing fingers
Sweet mother of mercy.
The look on that Boston Terrier’s face says it all. “Help me, please, anyone…please, she’s crazy…I beg of you….”
Poor bastard. Anyone who comes within 100 yards of me with a bar of that bone shaped hellfire in their hand will require two full length mirrors and a set of tweezers to pick my teeth out of their butt - and that’s a promise.
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