Enabling Lazy Dog Owners
August 11th, 2008
Now don’t get me wrong, I like to put my paws up after a hard day’s sleep as much as the next dog. We are, as a species, entitled to a certain degree of Lassietude - except for those poor saps born with barrels of sherry around their necks or sleds tied to their mid sections.
But we’re dogs. Sloth comes instinctively and we simply can’t help it. The same can not be said for humans, who are born with responsibilities - the most important being to get off their behinds to wheel us around the block for a much deserved sniff and to unburden ourselves of the day’s collations and potables.
Which is why I, Bob the Dog, officially object to this latest addition to man’s repertoire of stupor-enabling technology. I give you, the doggie treadmill. Now Harry Human can sit on his can stuffing pistachio nuts into his overdeveloped cakehole while his poor, neglected dog gets to play Olivia Newton John on a contraption the injustice of which I will be reporting to the UN just as soon as I’m done with my next nap.
Dogs in Manhattan need dog walkers, not these implements of cruel barbarity. We have butts, trashbags and lampposts to sniff. We have designated spots to spray and defile on a daily basis. It’s not a race and you can’t pin medals to dogs anyway. Begone, doggie treadmill, you’re about as welcome as cat in the dog run. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go look for something under the bed for the next hour. I’ll see ya.
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